If He Had Been with Me by Laura Nowlin follows Autumn and Phineas (Finn/Finny). They have been best friends since they were born and described as inseparable, but in middle school they starting spending their time with different social groups and for one reason or another stopped spending time with each other unless it was at "family" dinners. Finn is one of the most popular boys in school. He was the only freshman to get onto the varsity soccer team and is friends with the "in" crowd. Autumn dyes her hair crazy colors and wears a tiara everyday. She is grouped with the social outcasts. Autumn is in a relationship for most of the novel but it is made very evident that she might have more feelings than just friendship towards Finn. It is made clear that she is always questioning "what if" what if her and Finn had stayed friends? What if they had done what everyone had always expected of them and got into a relationship. Autumn deals with depression around winter every year. This year the stresses of her parents divorce are causing her even more stress. Her friends don't seem to understand her or where she is coming from so she leans to Finn starting their friendship again. When Autumn's boyfriend cheats on her with her best friend she stays in her bed for days. Finn begins to worry so he takes her to breakfast and do various activities for the rest of the day, hoping to help improve her mental health. It slowly beings to work and she is able to forget about her boyfriend. It is revealed that Autumn and Finn stopped being friends because he kissed her in eighth grade. She thought he was just experimenting on her and ran away he was heartbroken and it ended their friendship. They both realize they love each other so Finn decides he is going to break up with his girlfriend Sylvie. He decides to take her for a drive so they can talk about the breakup. Finn's car hits an electrical pole due to the heavy rain and Sylvie is thrown from the car, Finn is fine. He gets out of the car to help Sylvie and puts his hand in a puddle not realizing the electrical wires were there and dies instantly from the electrocution. Sylvie lives. Autumn is heartbroken because she has loved Finn all this time and has never truly lived without him. She in turn tries to kill herself. She wakes up in a mental health facility where the reader finds out she might be pregnant.
Themes
Personal Growth - Growth was a major theme because the two characters had to lose each other before they could continue their relationship. Their time apart helped them to learn about who they were as individuals.
Types of Love - Love was one of the greatest themes because it highlighted multiple different types and how it can develop as you change as a person. The novel mostly highlighted platonic and romantic love as well as how it changes from when you are child into your adult years.
Mental Illness - Mental illness was discussed a lot. It highlighted how relationships with family members can change when dealing with the illness. One of the characters attempts suicide, the novel did a good job of highlighting the hardest parts of living with a mental illness.
Favorite Quote
"This is his moment of weightless suspension. His mind is blank. He feels nothing, he thinks nothing; he exists, perfect and unscathed. He does not even hear the rain. Stay. I whisper to him. Stay in the car. Stay in this moment. But, of course, he never does" (3).
This is my favorite quote because it tells you what is going to happen in the novel before any other events take place. It is made clear that Finn is going to die but the reader can't help but hope the author will change her mind, as she makes you root for the characters. I also thought it was interesting that she had decided to put this at the beginning of the novel. I think she thought she needed a hook and that it would be an incentive for the reader to continue. However, I feel that this took away from the story and that had the death just come up in the series of events it would have been more beneficial because it was the only non-cliche plot line she had. For the most part the novel follows every other friends to lovers plot, therefore making everything that was going to happen in the novel obvious.
Argument Overview
Autumn is a hypocritical and selfish character. These writing tactics help the audience relate to her more because she becomes human. This backfires because while it does make her more relatable she is also unlikable.